Humor: March 2008 Archives

By Oklahoma State Rep. Donna Cuntinghamm

I know that many good Christians have heard about it. But how many of you have actually read the Gay Agenda?

Well, I am one of the few outside the homosexual underground to have actually read this shocking plan for world domination. And although doing so puts me in great jeopardy, I have stepped forward to expose these perverse radicals to the Christian world.

As you can see from the photo on the left, the Gay Agenda has been clearly stamped “Top Secret” and is intended only for the eyes of known homosexuals and pedophiles. The penalty for non-deviants who dare read this dangerous publication — and survive the mental damage it could inflict — is DEATH!

I was able to prevent the damaging effects of the Gay Agenda by holding three Bibles between my legs and having my husband Gene — a Baptist minister — sprinkle me with holy water after turning each page.

The Gay Agenda is a 100-year plan to recruit and convert the entire world population to homosexuality. It was written in 1958 by Liberace, Rock Hudson, Truman Capote, Pope John XXIII, Joan Crawford and over 30 other secret homosexual activists. So, the plan is already 50 years old and has progressed toward the halfway mark.

During the past 50 years, the Gay Agenda has made the following achievements:

• The takeover of Hollywood from the Jews
• Male cheerleaders
• TV
• The infiltration of the mental health profession
• Disneyland
• The domination of the fashion industry
• The control of vital local businesses such as beauty shops and florists
• Disco
• “Happy” Meals
• The Internet
• Harmful fads such as body waxing for men and the G-spot
• The inclusion of Ice Dancing in the Olympics
• Speedos
• Artificial insemination
• Nipple rings
• The divorce of Prince Charles and Princess Diana
• Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
• Blogs

Each one of these items were carefully planned and thrust upon an unsuspecting public. But as I wrote, the list is only half finished!

The Gay Agenda has the following goals remaining:

• President Barack Hussein Obama
• The destruction of marriage
• Project Runway season 10
• Over-the-counter Viagra
• Pregnant men
• Senior citizen nudity
• Human sacrifice
• Mandatory vegetarianism
• Sex toys in school colors
• Trisexuals
• Churches forced to replace crosses with this:

• High heels and pantyhose required as business dress for men
• KFC sells fried aborted baby parts
• President Paris Hilton 

Shocking? Well, this is what the homosexual activists have in store for society. The next 50 years will spell the destruction of all that good Christians hold dear unless we ban together to put a stop to the Gay Agenda!

I just watched a hilarious episode of South Park in which the kids get high huffing cat urine — or cheesing. However, this is a very serious subject.

Many of you came here looking for more information on:

• How to get high on cat urine.
• How to huff cat piss.
• The dangers of cheesing.
• Is cat urine dangerous?
• What is cheesing?
• What are the risks of cat pee addiction?
• School children and cheesing.

For the scoop on cheesing, CLICK HERE NOW!

Do you know where your college kid is tonight?

ANNOUNCER: One is a sassy finalist from American Idol. The other is the super stylish winner of Bravo’s Project Runway. Please welcome the hosts of Bravo’s new hit morning show Fierce Morning with Danny and Christian, Danny Noriega and Christian Siriano!

CHRISTIAN: Fierce morning! Fierce morning, everyone! Welcome to the debut of Fierce Morning with Danny and Christian. We’ve got a FIERCE show this morning, Danny.

DANNY: Boy do we EVER Christian! First, one lucky audience member is going to get a HOT TRANNY makeover from one of the FIERCEST young designers in New York City.

CHRISTIAN: I wonder WHO that could be…

DANNY: SHUT UP!

CHRISTIAN: No, you shut up you hot mess you! I’m still lovin’ the purple streaks in your hair.

DANNY: Well, some people WEREN’T LIKIN’ IT!

CHRISTIAN: Watch out, hot mess! Don’t say HER name. This is a TROLL-FREE zone!

DANNY: I’ll say! Our first guest EVER is super hottie John Barrowman!

CHRISTIAN: He plays the openly BISEXUAL Captain Jack Harkness on BBC America’s hit show Torchwood.

DANNY: And everyone knows that BBC stand for BI BRITISH C**K! 

CHRISTIAN: SHUT UP! That’s not going to make it past the censors you hot mess of four-letter fierceness! 

DANNY: Speaking of FIERCENESS, what else do we have planned for today, Christian?

CHRISTIAN: Well, the teleprompter says that we’ll be interviewing Bar…Bar..ack O…Obayma. I’m not sure what that is. How about you, Danny?

DANNY: Gee, I dunno. Isn’t he the chef at that new place in Soho?

ANNOUNCER: Guys, Barack Obama is running for President of the United States.

DANNY: Oh…he must be like really old, huh?

ANNOUNCER: He’s 46, Danny.

DANNY: Really? He’s 46? That’s like my mom’s age. Maybe he’s like, you know, a hot daddy type.

CHRISTIAN: Tim Gunn is like 54 and he’s still kind of a hot silver-haired Gucci mess.

DANNY: Yeah, but would you like DO him?

CHRISTIAN: Ah, HELLS NO! Please! Troll-free zone from the belly button to the knee caps! Seriously!

DANNY: Anyways, it looks like it’s time for our first commercial break. When we come back we’ll be DROOLING over JOHN BARROWMAN. Then, Christian will show Barack Obama the right way to measure an inseam — Obama would make a cool drag name doncha think…

What has New Mexico governor Bill Richardson been up to since he dropped out of the race for President? He’s been growing a beard.

Here’s what Richardson looked like on Face The Nation on Sunday. Not only has he grown a beard, it is kind of an unconventional wide goatee — no sideburns.

It certainly isn’t very presidential. However, it will no doubt be a huge hit with all of the bear fetishists out there.

Hum….makes ya wonder, don’t it?

Here’s a hilarious comment to The “Rapist-In-A-Dress Meme” Continues over at Joe.My.God.

For those of you who need a little more background on this subject, it involves using a specious story about a man wearing a dress to gain entry to a ladies room or women’s locker room in order to get his jollies.

According to right wing radicals, laws protecting transgender people from discrimination would make such behavior legal — as if all the rapist would have to do is claim transgender status. This is obviously a scare tactic. But, it is quite effective in scaring the fundies into paranoid fits of rage.

Anyway, Tom’s description of how this story would play out in the real world is too much…

Ok, say I’m a rapist who wants a little rapey action. I put on my best St. John suit with a pencil skirt and a pair of size 15 Jimmy Choos and mosey into the ladies’ room in Grand Central. I spot a likely target and attack. What happens next?

Well, now my $40.00 Christian Dior hose are running for President, my lacy camisole is pulling out my chest hair, my Tippi Hedren chignon wig is askew, and, even worse, my potential victim has called me a tart with a cock.

Further, her cries have drawn the NYPD, who are chasing me around the waiting area, and it’s a good thing they’re all weeping with laughter, because…

Have you ever tried to run in a pencil skirt?
Tom | 03.05.08 - 7:24 pm | #

I’m still laughing about the following story posted over at Bunnytude.

Before anyone slams me because I’ve never been a parent, let me tell you that I lived with my twin brother and his three small children for a few years. While I’ve saw my fair share of tantrums and received more than a couple of kicks in the shins, I’ve never experienced anything like what is described in this story.

I also have to say that I never had too much difficulty getting my nieces and nephew to behave in public. All I had to say was, “I’m going to tell your father.” This dad needs to grow a pair.

Poop and bad parenting

The Mighty Dyckerson’s unfortunate poop experience reminded me of an entry Christine made on her Infinitepink blog back in 2002. To this day, it’s one of my favorite examples of the epidemic of shitty (no pun intended) parenting we see in our society today.  Plus, the way Christine wrote the story was so hilarious!  Here it is:

The Worst I’ve Ever Seen

About 4:00 or so last evening I decided to make a run to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I found everything I went there for, but I also returned home with something unexpected.I am now carrying around the mental image of the absolute worst temper tantrum I have ever seen pitched in public since 1967 (more on that ‘67 incident in an upcoming entry.) This scene was so profoundly horrifying that it was the last thing I thought of before I went to sleep and the first thing that came into my mind when I woke up.

The store where I shop is located in the center of Soccermomville, Iowa. Which is right next to Daddysadoctorburg, of course. You can go there anytime of day and see an overly-liberal parent trying to reign in their spoiled rotten uber-brat of a child. It’s not uncommon to hear things like:

“Hillary, I’ve asked you nicely 100 times now - please don’t open that package of cookies. Mommy is *starting* to get upset!”

“Tommy - listen to me. Get down from that display case. Do you prefer the soup with the little stars, the letters, or the tiny dinosaurs? No… we’re not going to buy them all and mix them…”

“Michael, honey - sit down! You know better than to stand up in the cart. Sit! Sit! Michael, if you throw those bananas again, I’ll spank…”

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